On the arrival of Spring May 21
Afternoon folks, I trust you are all fit and well and steering clear of feckwits, jobsworths and wasters. What is it with the ruddy weather. Here we are trying to usher spring in the door and it's not following the rules at all. Yesterday it turned up and we're thinking at last it's here. Today.. what does it do. It thinks it's in the wrong house and fecks off again. C'mon you mannie upstairs, give us a break and make with the warm stuff. Coz Scottish winters are long enough without you making them even longer and this wet an' miserable dreich's starting to wear a bitty thin..... So make with the sunshine, sunshine. Stay safe y'all...
On cooking and broadband. Jul. 21
Apols for not greeting you all with my customary aplomb this past while. We managed to get cooked today, for the second time in a week I might add, so we're a bitty fragile. Anyway as always I trust you're all in fine fettle, or at least in better fettle than me. Which tbh isn't hard at the moment. But we'll be back to norm tomorrow. We might even be better than normal cos BT's coming to install the new faster than a speeding panda (the police Hillman Imp, not the bear), super duper, mine's better than yours, fibre broadband. Ain't that just amazing.... Me I'm so excited I could crush a grape. I'll bet you're all excited for me too. No.....! Ach well ces't la vie, etc...
On things dropping off. Dec 17
Morning y'all. only three shopping days left till Hogmanay. Tis a tad on the chilly side this AM. So dig out the thermals to keep your important little places warm. Nothing worse than having a frozen important little place. It just breaks off you know, no warning or anything. Ping!! and it's gone, and if it's snowing you won't even hear it hitting the ground. Just a wee soft ffftt and you carry on totally oblivious. Not realising it's gone till you get home. Then it's a case of FECK!! I've lost it. You retrace your steps, but by now it could be anywhere. A wee dog could have run off with it, or a craw could have carried it up to its nest. Either way you'll never see it again. So always remember to keep your important little places warm. The alternative is just too horrible to contemplate...
Caledonian Canal at Dochgarroch.
On covid selfishness. Mar. 20
Good evening all and welcome to the end of the week. A bitty different end of the week tho' as it appears life's going to be a little topsy turvy for the next wee while. We went for a bitty shopping earlier and actually got most of what we wanted. But loo roll, nappies and would you believe tins of lager/beer etc. were conspicuous by their absence. Apparently Tesco were supposed to be serving pensioners and those of us with seriously dodgy bits between nine and ten, but nobody actually put it into practice. So much for that idea then. Never mind I suppose life's going to be interesting over the piece. Personally... I blame the Tories.... not for Corona, but you never know. I blame them primarily for the erosion of social conscience and their continuous advocacy of the mantra "all for one and none for all". Have a good weekend folks, life's too ferk'n short for anything else.
On yet more covid selfishness. Mar. 20
Evening folks, I trust we're all fine and dandy and your Tuesday's have all gone pretty much as expected. In addition we do hope no nasty little bug'ers have wandered your way. We took a wee trek into Iceland and Home Bargains earlier. What is it with folks nowadays. Toilet rolls, handwash and pasta all gone. I'm also told folks have been ripping the sanitisers off the walls at Raigmore. Have we really become such a selfish society? A nation of feck you Jacks and Jills, as long as we're alright. The shops are getting deliveries every day, we're told, so not really any need for these feckwits to behave the way they are. I'm afraid it's beyond me. Anyway apols for venting, but I have to admit to being a little pissed at the selfishness of some people...
On the proverbial. Apr 21
Evening y'all. I trust you're all as happy as pigs in the proverbial. Which is absolutely fine. What isn't so fine is being 'in the proverbial'. Unfortunately the law of averages does mean that at some, or several, points you will find yourself in this particular medium. This, possibly as a result of your own actions, or as is often the case, somebody else's. But we hope most sincerely your 'in the proverbial' happenings are kept to a bare minimum, irrespective of who's at fault. As always. Stay safe folks...
Nonsense. Jun. 21
Morning y'all, I trust you're all out there happy as a whosit, doing thatsit, in a whatsit. You are... excellent! That makes me as happy as another whosit, doing a similar thatsit, in a different whatsit. The purpose of this bit of nonsense? None at all, except maybe to make you smile, or scratch your' head. Stay safe folks...
On being well. Apr. 21
Feasgar math folks. Are we well? That's good I'm pleased you're all as well as you are. You could be as well as someone else. But that kinda depends on how well that someone is. If they're well, then you're well. But if they're not well..... you wouldn't be well.... Well! So in truth you know well, you need to be well, but well like a well person. Not unwell like a not well person. And if you can make sense of this you maybe you should be well worried about how well you are. Stay well y'all..... you know it's well...... sensible...!!
On island weather. Apr. 21
Good evening all. Are we all well? You are... that's good! Well we're over west again, enjoying the balmy weather. In fact it's so balmy we've watched cows, sheep, dogs and a very indignant looking moggy fly, bum first, past the windows. Handy being bum first, cos had they been head first they'd have blown inside out and that's just messy. Not to mention thon cat would have been even more indignant. I won't tell you what the torrential rain brought ashore cos you just wouldn't believe me. Suffice to say I was chatting to a dolphin outside Sollas Co-op...
On rain. Mar. 21
Good evening folkses. I trust you're all just fair to middling, fine and dandy and right as rain. Although I'm not sure about the right as rain bitty. Primarily because rain comes in so many different mediums. The soft and gentle dampness of a summer evening, or the gossamer touch of a morning mist against your skin. Versus the icy lances of a winter storm, or the unforgiving bullets from a Pacific downpour hammering on the decks of a ship for days at a time. So you can decide thon wee bitty for yourselves. As always..... stay safe folks...
On ca'n canny. Mar. 20
Good afternoon y'all. I trust we're all looking after ourselves out there. Staying out of reach of thon sleekit little Covid fella that's looking to make everybody and their mammy most unwell indeed. You are! That's what we like to hear... So in the words of this not particularly famous Scottish waffler extraordinaire. "Never in the history of snotty noses have so many been told to do so little, because of something so small." Ca' canny folks and look after yourselves. You know you need to...
On going over the falls. Apr. 21
Good afternoon folks. Are we all filled with that Friday feeling? No!!! Well that's kinda disappointing. Maybe you're just too excited thinking about all the wonderful things you're planning to do over the weekend. You know the kinda thing. Going over Victoria Falls (the Scottish ones) in an Adblue barrel, big game hunting in the Bught Park, or even bungee jumping off the Kessock Bridge using knicker elastic. While wearing only a flourescent yellow thong, two different coloured socks and a Barry Manilow halloween mask, not to mention the feather duster protruding from your derriere..... What? No to these too... Dearie me you do live quiet lives, don't you. Anyway folks, whatever you're doing. Have a very good weekend. And STAY SAFE!!!!!!
On sunsets. Apr. 20
Good evening folks, I trust you've all enjoyed yet another fine day. Later, when you move to draw the curtains... you could stop and watch as the sun drops slowly into the west. Watch and allow the last of her glorious yellow and orange warmth to wash over you before she morphs the skies into the deep reds and dark blues of a beautiful Scottish sunset. As the last light of evening disappears you look again towards the sky, where a myriad of tiny pinpricks of light illuminate the truly wondrous canopy that is the heavens....... On the other hand you could just think feck it, close the curtains and settle down in front of the telly. Have a good one y'all...
On being in wotsit. Apr. 20
Afternoon folks, are all we happy as piggies in wotsit? Hmmm... mixed reaction there. I suppose it depends at what point you regard yourselves as in the whotsit. What's wotsit for one person, is not necessarily wotsit for another. It simply depends on the depth of the wotsit. One person up to their tootsies could be way too much for someone else. As a rule tolerance to wotsit depends on the age of whoever is in the wotsit. Kind of a sliding scale. Young folks can't cope with too much and try to drop it onto someone else. While the older generation just rinse it off with no lasting effects. While there are others who simply don't give a wotsit when they're in the wotsit. Have a wotsit free week folks...
On meandering. Apr. 20
Good afternoon y'all. I trust you're all meandering gently through your Sunday's. There's nothing wrong with a bit of gentle meandering. In fact you can apply some gentle meandering in all sorts of situations. You could go out for a gently meandering wee walk. You could hire a wee rowety boat and gently meander down, or up, a gently meandering river. down's an awful lot easier. You could even take some time out to gently meander all over your partner, definitely a gentle meander I highly recommend. So whatever you're doing today, Might I gently suggest you meander gently through it...
Victoria Falls, Ross-shire.
On the colour of the day. Oct. 20
Feasgar math ladies and gentlemen. We trust any Monday morning blues changed to a more palatable colour pretty quickly today. TBH pretty much any other colour would be better to have. Black and grey not particularly good and brown of course, bit of a sh*tty colour that one. For some reason I don't think white would be good idea. Not sure why.... It's just a feeling I have. Yellow, green, purple, red and tartan are good but not beige! Who would want a ferk'n beige Monday morning? Anyway I shall leave you now to decide for yourselves what colour you want your Monday to be. Maybe I should point out that there's always somebody who's going to want two colours. Just ignore them, they're obviously a couple of gallons short of a full tank. Not sane and sensible like me. So... whatever your choice have a colourful rest of the day and stay safe y'all...
On a covid bonus. Apr. 20
Evening folks and hello to the end of yet another week. I trust you've all been making good use of the fine weather. A wee bit gardening, a wee bit barbecuing, a wee bit fun with the weans, or just a wee bit lounging in the sun. I suppose if anything good has resulted from the wee bug. It's given us more time with family and that's always got to be a good thing. Have a fun family weekend y'all...
Caledonian Macbrayne's MV Hebrides arriving in Lochmaddy.
On idioms. May 20
On Ups and Downs.. Maybe. Dec. 21
Evening folkses, how are we all? You are, ach well can't complain I suppose. Things kind of get like that this time of year. But as you all know, there's an upside to most things, just as there's a down side to just as many things. So in all honesty, so to speak and to coin a phrase life is meant to have ups and downs. Even Humpty Dumpty and the Grand old Duke of York had up/down issues. So there's absolutely no reason for folks to get too concerned. Deal with your own, and if you can, help others with theirs. Have you figured out what I'm waffling on about yet? No....! That's okay... I'm not so sure I know either....... Right! I'm so pleased to get that off my chest and please accept my humblest for burdening your good selves with it. Whatever it was.
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